How to be a trans ally (even when the news is terrible)

It's a pretty strange feeling to see myself and my friends vilified in the news and on the internet on a daily basis. Maybe "strange" is not the best word. Betrayed, angry, frustrated, and fearful are better.

I'm very grateful for the supportive people in my life.

Being an ally, whether you're LGBTQ+ yourself or not, is crucial. Being an ally really makes a big difference in making people feel supported and loved.

So I decided to share what I've learned about being a good ally to trans people in this post.

Community and family support changes lives

It's hard to express just how important community and family support are for trans people.

Being supportive really, truly makes a difference in people's lives.

Understand how much of the struggle of being trans comes from our communities

I was listening to an episode of The Daily in which a parent was describing their child coming out as trans and the family attempting to access gender-affirming healthcare. While this was touching, one part stood out to me.

The mother was horrified, after reading the symptoms of gender dysphoria, that her child experienced this distress constantly.

This reminded me of reading about adults who experienced asthma for the first time and were panicked that they couldn't breathe. As someone who grew up with asthma and/or panic attacks, I'm really used to the feeling of temporarily not getting enough air. It feels more annoying than disturbing to me.

Similarly, gender dysphoria feels like a constant, perhaps, more annoying than dangerous. I don't necessarily mean to minimize the severity, but, like an asthma attack, it can be uncomfortable but I've developed ways of coping over the years.

For a lot of trans people (but not all) some of this gender dysphoria comes from other people's judgements, words, bullying, mistakes, and wrong assumptions.

We can make our local spaces more comfortable for trans people by standing up to bullying, using respectful language, and expressing public support for people who are different than us.

This is a subtle point, but, we don't need you to be horrified. We need your support.

Listen first, complain to someone else

To support someone, it may be more helpful to listen and act sympathetic rather than complaining about your own fears to them.

Consider the idea of "support in, complain out" - this was developed to support people in grief, but I think is interesting to think about. The idea is the person who needs support is in the middle of the circles in the diagram, and the people supporting them mostly listen to their complaints, not the other way around:

Speaking Grief | Supporting Grief: Support in, complain out

Like a pebble dropped into a pond, circles radiate outward from the center of the situation. Which circle are you in?

WPSU Logo

Of course, this is not a rule - but might be a helpful idea to consider.

Do they really need that depressing news article?

Try to text your non-trans friends the difficult news articles, instead of your trans friends.

Consider that your trans friends likely either are already aware of the disturbing news about trans people or they are intentionally avoiding it.

Such news articles can help build empathy and understanding for allies, so maybe send it to the allies and not the trans people in your life.

Consistently stand up for trans people

Stand up for trans people even when they aren't in the room, physically or virtually.

You don't know who's listening to you on the phone or reading your comments online.

When you can, use the correct name and other words to talk about trans people who you know, whether or not they are listening. We know!!

Contact your government representatives

Call your congresspeople and make your perspective clear.

Share helpful projects

Engage with and share the work of people trying to work towards solutions. When you see good news, let people know.

Here's a selection of good news about people walking places for reasons!

Buddhist monks and their dog captivate Americans while walking for peace

A group of Buddhist monks is getting viral attention with their 2,300-mile Walk for Peace from Fort Worth, Texas, to Washington, D.C.

AP NewsDEEPA BHARATH

‘It’s a Return to Where I Started’: Lyla Harrod on Becoming the First Trans Woman to Hold an Appalachian Trail FKT

Harrod hiked an average of 41 miles per day for nearly two months to break the 10-year-old record.

BackpackerDavid Gleisner

Let's support each other

Together, we are stronger! We got this!

What do you appreciate from allies? Let us know in the comments.