Help me, my loved one is trans. What should I do?

So. Your kid isn’t talking to you because they’re trans. (You think.)

Or maybe your long time partner just had the talk with you and they’re nonbinary and you don’t know how to deal with it.

Or your friend changed their name and you don’t know what else that means they want to change.

It can be scary to step outside the norm of the gender conventions we were all raised with. It can be really difficult to convince your brain to break out of the habits of referring to someone a certain way, especially if you have been close to them for years.

The most challenging part of having a family member come out as trans, I suspect, is it throws you into having a controversial identity yourself (a person who loves and supports a trans person).

Many family members attempt to maintain the status quo. They use the trans person’s old name and pronouns for as long as possible. They say things like, “can’t you be a strong woman instead of talking about being a nonbinary person?”

And then, they wonder why the trans person in their life calls and visits less often, or cuts off contact all together.

I’ve had a few conversations with parents who tell me they have a trans child. “My daughter did this…she did that…she changed her name…I don’t know why she doesn’t talk to me recently”