Bisexuality is not transphobic

When I was a kid, I had crushes on boys I knew. Yeah, it was pretty much boys at that age, and I thought I was a girl at the time. Since I felt genuine attraction to these folks that also aligned with what the world told me was correct, I guess I didn't question it further at the time.

Then in my first year of college that changed. A good friend came out to me as gay. Some of my new friends talked openly about being bisexual. And I made the acquaintance of some amazing women.

I met this lovely young woman with curly hair and a beautiful smile who made my heart skip a beat. We chatted a time or two, then the next time I saw her she was strolling with her head on the shoulder of some guy, disgustingly in love. I wasn't sure why that would upset me.

I was lying to myself about who I was.

I felt this intense attraction to some women which I ignored. When a friend asked me about my sexuality, I claimed to be straight.

The thing was, my gay feelings didn't feel all that different from my straight feelings. I hadn't processed my gender differences either, and was basically just doing and saying what the world asked of me.

A few months later, I started to see the contradiction. I came out to myself as bi first, then to other people.

At that time, I thought of and described bisexual as attracted to both men and women.

This is the definition that some people complain about, "That's transphobic! There aren't only two genders!"

But I hadn't met an openly trans person ever at that age. I didn't know people could transition. I didn't know you could be non-binary.

So "men and women" was the understanding and the words I had at the time, despite being trans and non-binary myself, and knowing other people who later might consider themselves trans, non-binary, or gender non-conforming.

I have more recently learned a definition of bi which is: attracted to your own gender and other genders. Even more generally, this could be written as: attracted to more than one gender.

But this is not a new, more inclusive bisexuality. Bisexuality has been trans- and nonbinary-inclusive for a long time. Check out what activists wrote in 1990:

"Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary...that we must have "two" sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders." - The Bisexual Manifesto (1990)

It frustrates me that people who are not trans or bisexual themselves complain about bisexuality being transphobic.

In my experience, it's exactly the opposite!!

For trans people coming out or in transition, often what we would like is a supportive partner whose attraction is not limited to particular gendered traits.

I dated a straight man who was uncomfortable with what he saw as gender non-conforming desires from his "female" partners. That wasn't ideal, to say the least.

The people I date who are at least a little bi are so much easier to be myself around. I appreciate openness to explore my masculinity as well as femininity.

So my opinion is that bi people are less transphobic than straight or gay people, on average.

Stop calling us transphobic because we're bi! It's simply not true.

Bisexuality can actually be a first step towards trans acceptance. It certainly was for me.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments!